As I plan this wedding, I realize that a huge part of the decision making process involves filtering people – either in or out. For example, the people you ask to be in your bridal party, invite as your guests, or follow-up with if they don’t RSVP in time…versus the people you don’t. Although not explicitly stated, these actions are measures of how important certain individuals are to us and let others gauge where they stand in our lives as well.  But problems arise when there’s a discrepancy in what we think and what they think.

I have had family and friends who were offended because they found out about my engagement through Facebook rather than getting a call from me or weren’t invited to the civil ceremony when jigg and I got married at City Hall.  That’s just a small group of people…currently, jigg and I are making our wedding guest list and I can see how difficult the filtering process can be on a larger scale.  Especially because jigg knows so many people!

I always feel like there’s a giant elephant in the room when you’re in the company of someone you fairly well, who knows about your wedding but is not invited. Do you just not talk about the wedding at all? Should I explain myself? Because no matter how I phrase it, the underlying message is that the person just didn’t make the cut…

Then there are awkward situations when people automatically assume they’re invited when they’re actually not. It’s actually a huge pet peeve when people tell me, “I can’t wait to go to your wedding!” or put me on the spot and ask, “I’m invited right?”  Unless that person is extremely close to me, I think that’s one of the rudest questions to ask.

I still don’t have a response to this so I just smile and ignore the question.  But at least I know what not to do around other engaged couples:

• Assume that you’ll be invited/Ask to be invited.
• Bring up the wedding if you’re in a group of people where everyone isn’t invited.
• Feel offended because you’re not invited.  The bride and groom may want a very very intimate wedding or simply just can’t afford a  larger wedding.  They’re stressed enough as is, don’t add to it.