Things I’ve learned about men and relationships

My relationship with jigg is the longest serious relationship I have ever been in – which at this moment stands at 6 months officially and 7.5 months unofficially.  At the age of 24, I still consider myself pretty much a noob as far as relationships go.  But I have come a long way (and I still have a long way to go!) in understanding men.  Below is a list of discoveries and lessons I have learned throughout the years.

1. Do not start arguments in public.
I find that this is one the most embarrassing and tasteless things you can do.  It also makes everyone around you feel super awkward.  The best thing is to either pull him aside privately or just walk out.

2. Do not offer to take a shot/drink for your boyfriend.
It insults his manhood; just let him puke.

3. Whine to your girlfriends instead.
For years I wanted the guys I dated to comfort me, tell me that things will be okay, or agree that whoever pissed me off is an asshole.  What I usually get is logical advice – which isn’t very useful when I’m stubbornly being an emotional wreck.  Therefore, go to your girlfriends – they’re usually better at it.

4. Learn to like football.
Sunday and Monday nights get a little bit less lonely that way.  An added bonus would be to remind him to set up his Fantasy Football team every Sunday morning.

5. Meat is his aphrodisiac.
I’m pretty sure a juicy burger would get him much more excited, not chocolate dipped strawberries, oysters, or champagne.

6. Don’t poll your friends and use the results to support your argument.
Friends often have very similar outlook and beliefs, so there’s a likely chance that they would agree with you anyway.  (Or if they’re girls, they would probably find something to agree with you on to make you feel better.  See #3.)   The relationship is between you and your boyfriend, so don’t bring outsiders’ opinions in – it doesn’t matter how many of your girlfriends feel it’s right that their boyfriends buy them a two carat engagement ring.

7. Do not volunteer your boyfriend or RSVP for him.
I just recently made this mistake…twice.  No matter how sure you are he is up for it or assume that since you’re doing it, he would too.  He is still his own person – ask and let him decide.

8. Twist when you go up.
This is what you do with your hand while giving an awesome BJ.

9. Don’t make him do kissy noises over the phone in front of his friends.
Let him have some dignity.

10. Let things go.
Some things are just not worth having the last word over.

Tags: arguments, football, lessons learned, lists
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Arguments Galore

Like every couple, Karen l and I get into our share of arguments. Unlike other couples, we don’t fight about anything important. In fact, none of it has anything to do with our relationship.

I remember one of the earliest showdowns we had concerned copyright laws. I’m all about rightful ownership and she is all about FREE distribution of information and art. I realized early on that not only would I have to accept that she was from Boston, but she was also a socialist/communist. Ellsworth Tooey would be proud of Karen.

The other day, I had to raise my voice at her. She decided to pull a sneak attack on me, resuming the battle we have been having for two days. She just could not accept the fact that even though historically Sunday was the first day of the week, Monday has since taken over in modern times. Sure, the calendar still has Sunday in front, but Sunday is part of the “weekend” and a new week starts on Monday. And we all know that if it was Sunday and I said I was moving next week, on Saturday, I would be refering to a time 6 days later and not 13.

There was no end in sight and I decided that it was pointless. I decided to surrender and agree with her, on the condition that we would phrase it accordingly. If it was Sunday and I said next week Saturday, it meant the Saturday after the one coming up. Yes, this would make thing harder and more confusing, but there was no other way to end it. She then asks me if I was doing it out of spite. The nerve! I was willing to sacrifice logic and convenience to settle an argument and she thought I had ulterior intentions.

I guess for someone who feels like all problems can be worked out, we have to substitute the time most couples use to fight and duke out our own battles. I already win the argument about New York being better than Boston. I guess Karen needs to find other things to beat me in.

Tags: arguments
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