Category Archives: Family

Marriage is not about marrying each other anymore, it is also about marrying each other’s entire extended family.

Doodles Family Marriage Life

Family Planning

jigg and I during one of our family planning discussions. It's hard dealing with first world problems!

I’m not making up the stat for the cost of raising a kid (click here for source).

Family

Philosophy on how to raise kids

Although jigg and I don’t plan on having children for a while, we have already began formulating our united strategy on how to raise our kids.  We’ve discussed everything from Western versus Eastern style of parenting (Read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom) to what the most advantageous month of the year is to give birth (Read Outliers).

I believe that kids learn to manipulate people and situations to their advantage from an early age.  For example, babies know crying gets them attention, so they learn to fake cry to get more attention even if nothing is wrong.  Or they purposely misbehave to get things their way.  This is something jigg and I are determined not to let our kids win at.

I learned alot from observing other people’s parenting.  For example, my mother in law was babysitting our one and a half year old nephew this past week.  The little brat already figured out how to walk all over her!  We kept telling her that she needs to be stern when reprimanding him and NOT smile or give him a hug immediately after.  But she doesn’t listen, and as a result, our nephew just ignores her every time she tries to discipline him.  Or he cries when he doesn’t get things his way.

We were at a family BBQ over the weekend and our aunt was telling us how hard it was to feed her three-year old grandson sometimes – because the child needs to be coaxed during meals to swallow his food. Upon hearing this, jigg and I both suspected that the child knows he will get extra attention from NOT eating, so he does it on purpose!

jigg: If the kid doesn’t want to eat, then stop force feeding him! I’m sure if he’s hungry, he’d eat whatever you give him.

Aunt: I don’t have the heart to do that.  What if the kid starves?!

jigg: I’m sure he’d come to you or cry to get your attention when he’s hungry.

Aunt: Kids sometimes don’t know these things! It’s unsettling to even let him get hungry.  When you have kids of your own, you’d understand.

jigg: A kid who doesn’t know when he’s hungry – that’s just crazy!  That’s basic instincts.  Even animals know this.  If my kid doesn’t know how to cry when he’s hungry, then he deserves to starve…

This went on for a good five minutes until the Aunt concluded that young couples like us just don’t understand. I told jigg that I want to be a Tiger Mom and be absolutely strict with our kids, but he called BS and said I’d turn into a marshmallow.

Doodles Family Miscellaneous Wedding

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Family Wedding

The Guest List

As I plan this wedding, I realize that a huge part of the decision making process involves filtering people – either in or out. For example, the people you ask to be in your bridal party, invite as your guests, or follow-up with if they don’t RSVP in time…versus the people you don’t. Although not explicitly stated, these actions are measures of how important certain individuals are to us and let others gauge where they stand in our lives as well.  But problems arise when there’s a discrepancy in what we think and what they think.

I have had family and friends who were offended because they found out about my engagement through Facebook rather than getting a call from me or weren’t invited to the civil ceremony when jigg and I got married at City Hall.  That’s just a small group of people…currently, jigg and I are making our wedding guest list and I can see how difficult the filtering process can be on a larger scale.  Especially because jigg knows so many people!

I always feel like there’s a giant elephant in the room when you’re in the company of someone you fairly well, who knows about your wedding but is not invited. Do you just not talk about the wedding at all? Should I explain myself? Because no matter how I phrase it, the underlying message is that the person just didn’t make the cut…

Then there are awkward situations when people automatically assume they’re invited when they’re actually not. It’s actually a huge pet peeve when people tell me, “I can’t wait to go to your wedding!” or put me on the spot and ask, “I’m invited right?”  Unless that person is extremely close to me, I think that’s one of the rudest questions to ask.

I still don’t have a response to this so I just smile and ignore the question.  But at least I know what not to do around other engaged couples:

  • Assume that you’ll be invited/Ask to be invited.
  • Bring up the wedding if you’re in a group of people where everyone isn’t invited.
  • Feel offended because you’re not invited.  The bride and groom may want a very very intimate wedding or simply just can’t afford a  larger wedding.  They’re stressed enough as is, don’t add to it.

Family Marriage Life

Am I Unsuportive or Just Protective?

jigg loves any sports and activities that challenges him to the physical extreme – snowboarding, football, boxing, etc. etc.   While I’m all for him staying active and not getting fat, I also worry about him engaging him in the more “dangerous” sports.  So every time he engages himself any of these sports, I’m clucking over him like a mother hen.

Recently, jigg got into entering himself into obstacle races.  Back in early fall this year, he and a dozen or so of his friends signed up for Warrior Dash, a 5 km race of (according to its website)  ”mud crawling, fire leaping, and extreme run from hell.”  jigg have been active all summer so he barely trained for it.  I didn’t accompany to the race to cheer him on because it was a boy’s day out type of thing, so I just told him to be careful, come back in one piece, and have fun.  About 15 hours later, he came home with a swollen ankle, a limp that lasted two days, and a bag full of muddy clothes.

After that experience, jigg decided to sign up for another obstacle race that will take place, Tough Mudder, a THIRTEEN mile obstacle that was originally designed by the British Special Forces.  One of the challenges of the race will be swimming across a lake…did I mention that this event will take place the week after Thanksgiving when the temperature is probably around 30 degrees?

At first, jigg told me a bunch of his brothers were interested in doing this event with him but all eventually backed out except for one.  I told jigg he was crazy for wanting to do this, that he’s fast approaching 30 and not 18.  Essentially I didn’t want him to do it.  When I couldn’t dissuade him, I told him to not push himself too hard and take his time if he needed to.  He then laughed and told me I’m the worst person to go to for encouragement.

I thought about all the things I tried to discourage him from doing: boxing, full contact football, snowboarding, his dream to climb Mt. Everest, etc.  So I guess he does has a point.  But how I can I not?!  jigg already has a bad knee, wrists, and shoulders.  Every time he enters a boxing match, he comes back with bumps and bruises.  For his annual Thanksgiving football games, he almost blinded his eye playing football one year and broke his fingers in another year.

I’m not sure where the line ends from being a protective to an unsupportive wife.  On one side, I feel like I should be proud of my husband for being manly and fearless.  On the other, I feel I should be a voice of reason when I feel he’s being reckless…even if I do tend to err on the overly cautious side.

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