Weird bodily dysfunctions

Karen has among a great number of weird bodily dysfuctions like B.O., excessive gas and hair growing out of weird places, has really sweaty palms and feet. Okay, maybe she doesn’t have the first three, but her hands and feet do in fact sweat profusely as if she walks on all fours through puddles just for shits and giggles.

I find it hilarious, but she’s always embarrassed. Understandable I guess. I mean, what would you think if you shook someone’s hand and it was cold and wet? Yeah, exactly my thought too.

Anyway, she ran out of socks today, so I decided to give her a pair of my special Nike socks that wick off the moisture off your feet and keeps it warm and dry. Without knowing this, she complimented about the socks being really soft and comfy a couple of hours later. Of course they were. Your feet are dry and wrapped in a really soft cotton. Her feet has probably never experienced such an awesome feeling before.

She asked me how long must two people be together to talk about their weird bodily dysfunctions before they don’t get freaked out. I don’t know about other people, but I prefer to get it out of the way–like put it all on the table on the first date kind of thing. They are either dealbreakers or things I will have to learn to accept. Sweaty palms? Not even a problem. Uncontrollable flatulence? Unless it’s always inaudible and has no odor, I would have to say dealbreaker.

Tags: bodily dysfunctions, deal breaker
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Starvation: The best cost cutting method

I love going out to buy lunch since it’s the perfect excuse to leave my seat. Wondering what to eat for lunch also takes my mind off the job I hate. Only problem was, lunch around my job is probably the most expensive in the country. I spend between $10-15 on lunch for food that can just hold me over for a few hours.

Fortunately for me, I have Karen to come up with cost cutting initiatives. Probably about a month and a half ago, I promised Karen that I would bring lunch to work three times a week. This would help me save quite a bit while still giving me the freedom of choosing two days a week to eat something else other than chicken; I always bring chicken.

There have been many occassions where I simply forget to bring food. No problem since I can use one of my two days. However, there were some weeks where I simply did not have the time to make lunch so there was nothing to bring. It’s a tough choice sometimes because you can only be one of two things: a man without integrity and breaks his promise to the person he loves or, a hungry man, maybe even a starving man, who does whatever it takes to keep his promise.  This means I would have to skip lunch entirely, even if I skipped breakfast.

The way I see it is, there are millions of people starving everyday. This gives me a chance to live in their shoes, keep my promise AND save money. Three birds with one stone!

Tags: Food, hunger, money, promise, saving money, starvation
Posted in Boston v. NYC, Dating, Food, Personal Finance | 2 Comments »

jigg Speaks Prada

I shop at Gap…when there’s a sale going on – 75% off original price.

Sometimes I feel so fashionably unsophisticated next to jigg. Not that he is prissy or anything, but he has developed an expensive palette for quality clothes. In some cases, that translates to silk ties and custom tailored dress shirts. (I swear that his LV ties could quite possibly cost more than my entire closet…combined.)

After being around guys whose idea of dressing up is putting on a polo and a pair of khakis most of my life, I never would have imagined feeling under-groomed and underdressed next to a guy. But when jigg suits up on our dates, I find myself asking him for fashion advice.

I mean…the guy speaks Prada. I wasn’t there when this happened but according to eye witness accounts,jigg was able to identify that Elle Woods was wearing Prada shoes in Legally Blonde before the cabana guy said “Don’t stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey.” After which Elle was able to deduce that he is gay because he could identify her brand of shoes.

Anyway, I find myself asking “Would jigg approve” when I look at my outfit in the mirror these days.

Tags: fashion, Gap, Prada, suit up
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Hating on Boston

When I first started dating Karen, I told a really close friend of mine that I was dating a girl from Boston. Her reaction? “Shut up! You’re dating someone from Boston? I thought you hate everything Boston?” This friend of mine was partially right. Being a Yankees fan, I hate the Red Sox and because of that, has led me to hate pretty much everything Boston. As I have always said, the only two good things that has ever came out of Boston were New England Clam Chowder and Aerosmith.

I have a natural tendency to make fun of Boston every possible opportunity I have. Every time Karen compliments New York, I’ll say something like, “yeah, it’s not like that in Boston.” Everytime we talk about something good about Boston, I’ll throw in, “It’s better in New York.” This obnoxious, douche bag behavior cracks me up and Karen has built up quite the tolerance for it.

Karen recently confided in me that she hopes that taking me around will change my impression of Boston, the place I nicknamed, “mediocre capital of the world!” A place where everything is just mediocre–the food, the beauty, the beer, etc.

I’m obviously biased since I love New York and pretty much everything about it. The exception would be Manhattan Clam Chowder, which was probably created by a Bostonian to try and tarnish the great name of Manhattan. However, I feel that I am very open-minded to see and experience new things of Boston. Cracking on Boston is something I just do to annoy her, but it’s just for fun. In complete honesty, it’s not really that bad. It’s just mediocre.

Tags: Boston, hating, mediocre capital, New York, Red Sox, Yankees
Posted in Boston v. NYC | No Comments »

Mom: Physiognomist, Fortune Teller, and Astrologist Extraordinaire

Prior to meeting jigg, my mother thought she could form a fairly accurate depiction of my boyfriend by just looking at his picture. Along with a few additional questions concerning his diet, hobbies, and astrology sign, Boston Mom was convinced she knew jigg better than me.

When I showed her jigg’s Facebook profile picture, she concluded he was quite handsome with a broad forehead, large eyes, nicely curved lips, strong jaw line, and good sized ears – all good qualities that positively told something about his temperament, wealth, generosity, etc.

She then asked if he eats vegetables. (Yes.) This is important because according to some “scientific” article, people who don’t eat vegetables have violent temper due a lack of some nutrient or other.

Her next set of questions concerned his interests and hobbies. When I began listing the various sports he plays, she became very alarmed with the fact that he boxes. Apparently boxers are violent people and warned me that I shouldn’t piss him off else he would knock me out one day.

Next she took our birthdays and zodiac signs into account and concluded jigg and I are a great match.

Not that I believed in any of this hocus pocus, but maybe there is hope in astrology after all.

Tags: astrology, Boston Mom, personality
Posted in Dating, Family | No Comments »